


Milky Way

by edspaghetti



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Bev is emancipated, Bev is two years older, Eddie's dad died when Eddie was 12, Fluff, Georgie is ALIVE, M/M, Slow Burn, pennywise never happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-03-15 05:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13606134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edspaghetti/pseuds/edspaghetti
Summary: After leaving Derry for 4 years, Eddie moves back in. Old friendships rekindle, new ones come to life and high school starts again. But his meeting with Richie Tozier changes everything and brings out some old memories he'd rather forget about...





	1. Let me come home

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing a fic and i'm very excited to share it! I'll try to update as soon as possible, i have a lot planned so stick with me :)

It had been 4 years since Eddie Kaspbrak was last seen in Derry, 4 years he had left his hometown and everything he knew since he was a kid. And yet here he was, riding his bike like nothing had changed, like he had just been gone for a few days. 

For the first time in months he actually felt _good_ , he didn’t feel this rush of panic invading his whole body or the need to cling on to his inhaler just in case an asthma attack would come up. As he slowly made his way into the small and quiet town, a wave of relief washed over him. Derry hadn’t changed a bit. He let his gaze wander over the few people around him and the same old familiar shops, smiling at this feeling of peaceful safety. It was like nothing bad could happen as long as he was here and, even though he knew that was a lie, he tried to hang tight to this thought. 

Eddie rode his bike down to the Quarry, he had texted Stan and told him they could meet there, like they always did. The place was exactly the same and it made Eddie nostalgic. This was where he had some of his best childhood memories. Stan and him would come up here every summer to jump in the water and see who could hold his breath underwater for the longest time. Stan would usually win because of Eddie’s asthma but sometimes he’d secretly let the other boy be victorious just to be sure he wouldn’t be too disappointed. They’d steal snacks from Eddie’s mom and giggled loudly as they ate them, like it was the craziest thing they’d ever done. And maybe it was. The two boys weren’t what you could call _cool kids_ , they weren’t rebellious or popular. Their idea of fun mainly consisted in eating junk food and watching movies until they fell asleep, at that time it was a miracle if they managed to stay awake after one in the morning. 

Eddie sat under a tree, waiting for his best friend to show up and suddenly felt anxious. For the past 4 years the two boys hadn’t seen each other, they would text almost every day and call whenever they could but Eddie feared that they might not be as close as they used to be and he didn’t want things to be awkward between them. Stanley had been Eddie’s best friend for as long as he could remember. They had met in kindergarten when tiny 4 year old Eddie had been pushed by another kid and started crying. Stan had immediatly pushed back the bully and stayed with Eddie until he stopped sobbing. Since that moment they’d never been apart. The two boys quickly became the closest friends ; same classes, always hanging out at each others house and spending their summers together. They had a bound nobody could explain, like soulmates. Eddie really was grateful for Stan but their friendship had always been kind of exclusive and he felt really guilty for leaving Derry, hence leaving his friend, alone. 

Eddie was now nervously pacing when he heard a bike coming his way, Stan’s bike. He could tell by the rusty sound it made and that his best friend had apparently never bothered to fix. At the sight of the curly haired boy, Eddie could not help but smile. The other boy was wearing a green and white stripped polo with brown bermuda shorts and white tennis. His hair was a bit darker and longer than it used to be but what mostly struck Eddie was how he had grown a lot taller. Still, he had that same soothing aura that made Eddie forget about his anxiety and worries. He had changed but was exactly the same. The boy got off of his bike and carefully proceded to put the stand on the ground, making sure it was stable enough and that it wouldn’t fall. He then turned to Eddie with a big grin on his face. 

“Eddie ! It’s so good to see you, come here !” Grabbing the other boy’s shirt, he pulled him into a hug. Eddie wasn’t too fond of public display of affection but he didn’t protest, he just wrapped his arms around his best friend, holding him tight and closing his eyes. He let out a sigh of relief. Standing here, in the arms of his best friend, made him realized how much he had actually missed him and in this instant he somehow knew that nothing had changed, they were still the same. Eddie felt tears rushing to his eyes and his heart fluttered. He felt whole again. 

“Alright, alright, I always knew you couldn’t keep your hands off of me, Stanley, but will you at least let me breath !” He laughed, without actually breaking the hug.

Stan finally let go and placed his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, looking at him with kind and affectionate eyes. All this staring made Eddie uncomfortable and he felt his cheeks warm up. Being under someone else’s gaze always made him nervous, he hated being the center of someone’s attention. He playfully shoved the other boy’s arms away.

“I see you’ve gotten taller”, Eddie simply said, still impressed by how his best friend had changed over the past 4 years.

“Yeah well, I see you haven’t”, replied Stan, ruffling the smaller boy’s hair with his hand.

“Shut up !” But he knew it was the truth. Despite what everyone had told him about puberty, Eddie had only gained a few inches. He still secretly hoped to get taller even though it wasn’t likely to happen. His mother kept telling him that it was a good thing, that he will always be her _little boy_ but it was the last thing he wanted to be. She treated him like a child and he hated it. He shook his head, quickly chasing the thought of his smothering mother away.

The two boys sat down on the grass and started rambling about random things, catching up on each other’s life and eating the Reese’s pieces that Stan had thoughtfully brought, knowing it was Eddie’s favorite snack. Eddie confessed about how he had missed Derry which lead to his best friend looking at him like he was insane. Years ago their biggest wish was to get out of their boring hometown, they were always complaining about how nothing ever happened there. They used to wonder about what it would be like to live anywhere else and swore that they’d leave, together. But now that he was back, Eddie wouldn’t have left it for anything in the world. 

“So... Um, Eddie, I hope you don’t mind but I invited my friend, Bill, to join us ?” Stan asked, looking at the grass he was tugging at with his fingers. “I mean, you know since we’re all gonna be back to school next week, I wanted you to meet my friends, well, friend really, you know how bad I am when it comes to socializing.”

“Bill ? Stuttering Bill ?” Stan nodded. Bill had always lived in Derry, just like them and he was often bullied because of his stuttering. They had never really been friends because Stan and Eddie would always be in their little bubble of friendship, not talking to anyone else, but Bill seemed nice and looking back, Eddie wished they had included him into their friendship, “Of course I don’t mind, Stan, I’d love to.”

About half an hour later, as they were passionatly debating about which Star Wars movie was the best one, Bill showed up. Eddie couldn’t help but notice that, just like Stanley, he had grown a lot taller. He waved at them cheerfully. 

“Hey Bill ! Glad you made it, I thought you were gonna be stuck with Georgie all day” Stan got up to give a quick embrace to the boy, “Eddie this is Bill, Bill this is Eddie, you guys vaguely know each other already I guess.” Eddie did the same and welcomed Bill warmly. 

Ever since Stanley had brought up his new friend, Eddie had anticipated having to talk to someone he didn’t really know but he was surprised by how easy Bill was to talk to. They had the same taste in music and movies, and he understood why he and Stan had became such great friends. They both had that same sarcastic sense of humor that he appreciated so much. They picked up on their Star Wars debate and he was thrilled to hear that Bill shared his opinion about Return Of The Jedi being the best one, meanwhile Stanley was desperatly trying to convice them that they were all wrong because The Empire Strikes Back was _obviously_ the greatest one. They all agreed that the original trilogy was the best one and decided to let go of the conversation. Stan and Bill started talking about school and made hypotheses about which teachers they’d get. Eddie listened to them closely, learning more about Derry’s high school. Although he had already been in school here, he had never attented the high school and he would be lying if he said it didn’t made him a bit anxious. ‘ _What doesn’t make me anxious ?_ ’ he thought, resenting himself for always being scared of everything. When Bill got up and said he had to head back home soon, Eddie checked his phone for the first time in hours, the device showed 5 texts and 3 missed calls, from none other than his mother. 

“Shit, it’s already 8pm, my mom is gonna murder me !” Eddie got up swiftly and started picking up his stuff. Stan laughed at the sight of his panicked best friend.

“I can’t believe you still carry that stupid thing around”, he smirked, pointing at Eddie’s fanny pack, “you do realize it’s 2017 and not the nineties anymore, right ?” He didn’t answer and simply rolled his eyes. He was used to being teased for carrying his fanny pack everywhere he went. At first his mom made him do it, so he could easily carry his inhaler and a small first aid kit, but now he was used to it and had to admit it was pretty convenient. 

The three boys agreed to hang out together at Stan’s house the next day and parted ways. Even though his mom was probably pissed that he was out so late, he didn’t rush and enjoyed the sweet sensation of the wind caressing his face. The streets were completely empty now and he decided to take a longer road, making him pass by his former house. He stopped in front of it. Lights were on in his bedroom as well as in the living room. Eddie stayed there for a moment, wondering about the new occupants. Was his room still a kid’s room ? Or had it been turned into an office ? Who lived there ? He liked to think that it was a loving family, just like it had been years ago. Maybe they even had a dog. He had always wanted a dog but his mom wouldn’t let it happen because he was allergic, or at least that’s what she said. 

Eddie was so lost in his memories that he barely heard the front door opening. His heart beating faster than ever, he got back on his bike and left before he could get a glance at the person. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know who lived there, he wasn’t sure he wanted his dream of a happy family shattered. What if it was a broken home ? Then they’d be just like his family and he didn’t wished to see that. This house, he had decided, was only meant for a warm and tender family. 

  


⁂

  


“Ma’ I’m home !” The small boy shouted, entering his new house. It smelled like fresh paint and plastic, Eddie wrinkled his nose. He found his mother in the kitchen, unpacking boxes and arranging her kitchenware. She frowned at him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t called but I hadn’t seen Stan in so long you know…”, he played the best friend card, knowing perfectly that his mom couldn’t hold a grudge against him for being social and hanging out with actual friends. She sighed. 

“Alright, baby”, she kissed her son’s cheek. “Why don’t you go unpack the boxes I put upstairs, you don’t want your room to be a mess when school starts.” Funny how she said ‘you’ when what she really meant was that _she_ didn’t want a messy room in her house, he thought but said nothing, as usual. Fighthing her was pointless, Eddie had learned that lesson years ago.

He made his way up the stairs and unpacked a few boxes. His room looked awfully bland with it’s naked grey walls and it’s lack of furnitures. Eddie looked for the box that said ‘decoration’ and proceded to make the room a little more lively. He glued little glowing stars above his bed and taped pictures and polaroids all over the walls. They were mostly pictures of Stan and himself or sometimes just Stan alone. Eddie loved to photograph and record everything and especially his best friend doing random things. So there he was, Stan eating an ice cream hanging from a pin above his night stand, Stan at the movies waiting for Rogue One to start glued to his desk lamp, Stan trying to win a stuffed animal at the fun fair taped to his bookshelf. He hung up a few movie posters, space maps and cinema tickets. Once he was satisfied with how his room looked he went back downstairs. 

They ate in silence mostly, his mom only speaking to him to ask stupid questions about his state of anxiety and how he felt about going back to high school. He shrugged his shoulders and said he was fine. The last thing he needed was for her to know he was nervous, she’d probably try to convince him that he sould stay home some more, that he wasn’t ready. He didn’t know if he was ready but he wasn’t gonna let her smother him again, he’d go, like a normal teenager. Stan and Bill would be there, he wouldn’t be alone. It wasn’t gonna be like the last time. 

Later that night he openend his window and carefully climbed on the sill, it was pretty narrow but then again Eddie was a small boy so he managed to comfortably lounge himself in the corner, his back resting against the wall. He just sat there, looking at the starry sky and enjoying the quiet of the dark, hearing only the muffled sounds of the TV that his mother was watching downstairs.

He used to do that every night before he left Derry, he’d climb onto the rooftop and listen to his mom laugh at his dad’s bad jokes and sarcastic comments directed at the movie that was playing. Sometimes, during the commercials, his dad would join him. He’d put his arm around Eddie’s shoulders and pull him closer to his chest, he’d teach him about constellations and how to recognize them. Eddie would pay attention to every single word he spoke, staring at the stars he was vaguely pointing at with his hands. He had never told his dad but these moments were Eddie’s favorites. Right there, on the rooftop, listening to him ramble about the meaning of each constellation’s name and the myths that were hidden behind them ; it was his safe haven. 

But now his father was gone and his mother didn’t laugh anymore. She had decided, a few months after her husband passed away, that Derry was no longer a place for them and had put their house on sale, Eddie didn’t have a say in this obviously and even if he had he wouldn’t have been able to decide anything, he wouldn’t have been able to speak. 

You’d think losing someone so dear to the both of them would’ve brought Eddie and his mom closer, but it was the exact opposite. Their last moments in Derry had been a nightmare for the small boy. His mom, overwhelmed with grief and sadness, barely looked at him anymore and only addressed to him when necessary. Eddie was in constant pain. A burning, silent pain hiding in his stomach that grew more and more every day until it spread everywhere like a wildfire, his entire body ached and life itself had suddenly became worthless. His mother did nothing about it, except making it even worse. She wouldn’t let him out of the house for weeks, wouldn’t let Eddie see Stanley, saying he needed to be alone, needed time, was too weak. The truth is she had always been overprotective of her son, giving him pills more often than she sould’ve and making sure he was carying his inhaler wherever he went. While Eddie’s dad was still around she was careful not to be too smothering but after he died there was nobody left to stop her. She became obsessed with his health, checking every day if he wasn’t getting sick, looking almost disappointed when the thermometre indicated a normal temperature. 

4 years later the pain was still there but it had faded in a way, Eddie had learned how to burry it and pretend it wasn’t there. His mother never mentionned her husband again and her body seemed to stiffen anytime she heard his name, Eddie didn’t mind though, he wouldn’t want to talk about his dad with her, or with anybody else really. He’d rather keep his memories to himself, remembering them at night and cherishing them like they were some kind of hidden treasure. Being back to Derry sure had brought back a lot of them. Everywhere he went he saw his dad. And maybe it should’ve made him sad or angry, but in this exact moment he felt like his heart could’ve bursted right out of his chest. He felt at peace, he was where he belonged, where he had been the happiest years ago and he thought that, maybe, if he tried real hard he’d find back this warm feeling again. 

He hardly slept that night, his mind drifting away between highschool, his mother, his friends and this whole new life that somehow seemed like a second chance and made him feel grateful. He didn’t know what would happen or how he would deal with all those emotions that swirled in his stomach and in his head but he was sure of one thing. He was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter is named after the lyrics from the song Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHEOF_rcND8 -
> 
> I hope you liked this, please let me know! And get ready for chapter 2 because Richie is coming ;)


	2. This is the day your life will surely change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there, i'm sorry it took me so much time to post, i needed to properly think of how i wanted the characters to be and how the relationships are gonna evolve !
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, as always let me know in the comments what you thought of it

When Eddie wakes up monday morning he can smell the food waiting for him downstairs and his stomach automatically makes a complaining sound, as if it’s screaming ‘ _feed me_ ’. He still takes his time to get properly ready, trying to ignore that growing feeling in his stomach, that familiar ball of anxiety threathening to explode at any time. He can’t start the new school year having a panic attack and needing his inhaler every five minutes, it hasn’t happened since last year and he’s not about to let it happen again. He shoves the bad thoughts to the back of his mind and tries to focus on the good. This year will be different. He has friends now, he has Stan and Bill. ‘ _It won’t be like last year_ ’, he keeps silently repeating to himself, like a mantra.

He makes his way downstairs and finds his mother in the kitchen, leaning against the fridge, a cup of coffee in one hand and a donut in the other. "Hi mom", he mumbles. He doesn’t feel like talking but he knows he has to or she’ll find a way to make his mutism look like an early symptom of yet another disease he doesn’t have. "Smells good", he adds and takes a seat at the table. Her face lights up. She walks up to him and takes his face between her chubby hands, squeezing his cheeks.

"I can’t believe my baby boy is already a sophomore student !", she speaks with a childish and whiny voice that makes Eddie roll his eyes. He hates it when she calls him by stupid pet names. It makes him feel as if he’s a 6 year old, even though he’s almost 16. She sits next to him, dragging the chair to get closer to her son and invading his personal space. Her gaze is suddenly serious and she places a hand on his shoulder. "How are you feeling, Eddie Bear ? Do you feel anxious ? Do you feel like throwing up ? Because you know I can always call the school if you’re not ready, just tell me if something is wrong and I’ll…"

"Mom !", Eddie interrupts her, not even trying to hide his annoyance that is now displayed all over his face. "I’m fine okay ? Actually I’m great, you don’t have to check on me every minute, I can handle myself" His mother lets out a small giggle and somehow manages to get even closer to him. 

"Oh now honey, what kind of mom would I be if I didn’t ?" She replies, patting his back. 

‘ _A normal one_ ’, Eddie thinks but says nothing, instead he gets up and pretends to go look for something in the fridge, he just wants her to leave him alone. She does, eventually, because they still have a lot of unpacked boxes and she can’t stand to have a messy house. He finishes his breakfast quickly and leaves the house, shouting his goodbyes from the front door. He hops on his bike and heads towards the school. Eddie likes riding his bike in the morning when Derry is slowly waking up and it’s still quiet. It’s another thing he has missed, last year the city was already loud and crowded with rushed people cursing at the subway by the time he woke up, he could never catch a break. That’s the thing about big places, you can never feel at home, at least Eddie never did. 

He’s relieved to see that his two friends are already waiting for him at the parking lot when he makes it to the school. The sight of the tall greyish building makes his stomach unintentionally clench but he doesn’t have the time to worry because in an instant he feels a hand on his shoulder. 

"You o-okay there, E-eddie ?", Bill smiles at him, it’s a warm and benevolant smile that makes Eddie smile back at his friend, he nods. Stan gives him a look, the ‘ _I-know-something-is-wrong-and-I’m-here-for-you_ ’ look that he knows so well. Over the years the two boys had learned how to communicate without even talking to each other. He nods again and they finally enter the school. The hallways are crowded with students, looking for familiar faces and passionatly discussing with their friends. Eddie likes seeing that first day happiness displayed on their faces, the excitment of a new year starting that he can hear in their voices. He wishes he could feel it too instead of constantly worrying. Stan says something about their schedules and Eddie can barely understand his words because of all the noise surrounding them but he follows him at the end of the hall where more students are waiting in front of an office. 

As they go stand at the end of the line, Eddie hears his name being shouted hesitantly. The three boys turn around, searching for the owner of that voice. A red headed girl is looking at them, a small frown on her face, probably wondering if she’s mistaking him for someone else. But she’s not, Eddie recognizes her immediatly. 

"Bev ?", she smiles widely and before he knows it she’s pulling him into a hug. It’s awkward and his cheeks feels like they’re on fire but he still lets her, glad to see his old friend again. Although he’s not sure if friend is the right term to use when it comes to Beverly Marsh. 

The girl was two years older and had taken an interest in Eddie when he was in 3rd grade. She had always been really nice to him and, even though they would barely hang out together because she was part of the _popular_ ones, she made sure to check up on him whenever he was alone, sometimes she’d even eat with him when Stanley was sick and couldn’t come to class. Beverly had spent a lot of time at the Kaspbraks too, saying it was to help Eddie with his homeworks and school projects. They both knew it was a lie, he was a pefectly good student, at least a better one than she was. Stan used to tease him about it all the time, convinced that she had a crush on the small boy. He never said anything and accepted the constant jokes about their relationship. He knew that Bev loved hanging out at his house because she envied their family and especially having a dad like Eddie’s. It was no secret that her home life was a nightmare. Her dad had started drinking after his wife passed away, he became constantly mean and angry and he’d often take it out on his daughter when there wasn’t anyone else around to beat up. 

Eddie’s dad was quite fond of Beverly too, he thought she was a _witty_ girl and that she was a good influence on his son. He would always ask if she wanted to join them when they were traveling outside of Derry and made sure she stayed at their house whenever he’d seen her dad at the bar or buying alcohol in town. Eddie didn’t complain either, spending so much time with Bev was nice, it felt like having a sibling, a big sister who always looked after him. Eddie knew his mom resented her and the attention she was getting from both her son and husband. When he died she made it clear that Eddie couldn’t see Bev anymore, she made sure to cut him away from everyone. The two friends did saw each other, one more time before he left, it was brief. She had hugged him and cried. Eddie still remembers the sensation of her hot tears running down his neck and staining his shirt. He wanted to cry too but he couldn’t, he hadn’t been able to since his father passed away. Maybe there was something wrong with him or maybe he just knew that if he started crying he might never stop. They had just stood there, hugging silently. Bev had kissed his cheek and wished him to be happy because he ‘ _deserved it_ ’. Eddie thought she did too, more than him actually, he wished that she was the one getting away from Derry instead of him. 

A few months after that, Stan called Eddie and told him that Beverly’s dad had died in a car accident. He wanted to reach out to her but he didn’t know how, or what to say. His own sadness was too overwhelming. He never spoke to her again and she never did either. They just carried on with their lives. But there wasn’t a single day where Eddie didn’t think of her.

"I can’t believe you’re really here !", she breaks the hug and looks at the small boy with her big ocean eyes. She’s always been a pretty girl but now that she’s grown, she’s beautiful. Her fiery hair is cut short, almost in a pixie cut, with fuzzy curls falling over her forehead and she has freckles sparkled all over her snubby nose. "I didn’t realize you were back, when did this happen ?". Eddie suddenly feels a bit guilty that he didn’t even try to contact her, after all this time, it just felt awkward and out of place. 

"Yeah I’m sorry about that, I came back last week and with the all unpacking thing and my mom, I um... I didn’t really tell anyone, well you know except Stanley of course, you know…" Eddie is rambling now and he stops talking because he realizes he probably sounds like a complete idiot. 

"Of course", Bev repeats cheekily and looks over at Stan, she really seems to be enjoying Eddie’s embarrassment. "Well it’s good to see you anyway, I’m glad you’re back in good old Derry" The small boy is relieved to see that she isn’t hurt at all, she was never a complicated girl and for that, Eddie was grateful. 

"Miss Marsh, there you are !", a raspy voice in an awful british accent calls loudly behind them which causes a few students to turn around, looking at the small group with irritation. "Jesus Christ, don’t you ever check your messages ? I’ve been looking all over for you, I was starting to think you got tired of seeing this _gorgeous_ face !" The boy appears in Eddie’s field of view and he sees him pointing at his face. 

He is the tallest of them all, with a thin and slender figure. Eddie thinks he might even be the tallest teenager he has ever seen and feels smaller than he usually does with the others. The boy’s hair is a dark mess of curls, he’s wearing a baby blue oversized sweater and black washed-up jeans. In his left hand, he carries what seems to be a portfolio, it’s covered in stickers and small drawings. 

"Oh shut up, Tozier !", she laughs as the boy kisses her cheek and puts his free arm around her shoulder, a big grin spreading on his face. Beverly rolls her eyes and looks back at the three boys. "Eddie, this is Richie, don’t mind him, he’s an idiot"

The tall boy gasps dramatically and brings his hand to his chest as if he was stabbing himself. "You wound me, Marsh !", he grins and turns to properly face the boys, a pair of large hazel eyes covered by huge glasses looking back at them. "Were you planning on replacing me with this pretty boy, was that your idea all along ?" His gaze lands on Eddie and he winks at him.

‘ _Pretty boy_ ’ ? Eddie glances over his shoulder, hoping to find his friends as confused as he is but Stan simply replies with a shrug and Bill seems too busy staring at Beverly to care about anything that is happening. He turns back to look at the tall boy who is still staring at him, an amused smile on his lips. And Eddie doesn’t know why but he catches himself smiling back. Being stared at for more than five seconds is usually a nightmare for the small boy resulting in him always looking for a way to escape that kind of situation. However, being under Richie’s gaze feels different, it’s warm and nice, almost comforting. 

"C’mon Rich, you know I’d never replace you, who would ditch those boring classes with me if I did ?" Beverly’s voice brings Eddie back to the reality and he looks away, giving his attention to his friend. "I was just talking to Eddie, he just moved back into town. We used to go to the same school when we were kids" She casually explains as Richie nods, not letting go of the other boy’s gaze. 

"Well, pleased to make your acquaintance, my good fellow !" He speaks in that weird british accent again and Eddie wonders if he ever shuts up. "Any friend of Bev is a friend of mine !" He grins again and Eddie is about to reply, dying to address him a sarcastic comment, when the bell rings. 

"That’s our cue", Bev practically shouts over the whiny sound. "We gotta go but see you later ? I’ll text you !" And before he can say that she doesn’t even have his number she’s pulling Richie by the sleeve of his sweater, walking away. 

"See you around, pretty boy !" Richie says before turning around and following his friend. Eddie just stands there, watching them leave, too startled to say anything. ‘ _This guy is such a fucking idiot_ ’.

"Who the fuck was that ?", he mumbles, not really directed at anyone but then he feels a hand on his shoulder and Stanley is smirking at him. 

"Looks like you just had your first encounter with Richie Tozier or, as we like to call him, Trashmouth".

⁂ 

The day goes by slowly. Eddie has some classes in common with Stan, mostly with Bill. He pays attention because he knows his mother will ask him questions about his teachers and what he’s going to study, he doesn’t need her to think he is already distracted. But he is distracted. He wants to ask Stan about Richie, he wants to know more about the annoying boy who kept calling him pretty. It is obvious that, just like Bev told him, the guy is an idiot. Even worse, an obnoxious idiot. Yet he keeps thinking about the tall boy. Eddie doesn’t know much about him and it’s weirdly frustrating. He vaguely remembers Stan telling him about this new kid last year who had bonded with Bev. Eddie had to admit they were a cute pair, both looking like they were from another decade. A thought suddenly crosses his mind. Were they together, together ? Were they a couple ? Richie did seem pretty touchy with her and she didn’t really complain about it. Eddie turns to ask Bill, who is currently sitting next to him, doodling on his notebook as the teacher rambles about his marking system but his phone buzzes in his pocket. ‘ _Beverly Marsh wants to send you a message_ ’ says the device. He carefully acepts the request, eyeing at his teacher from time to time. Getting in trouble on the first day is the last thing he needs.

\- ‘ _Hey Astro Boy ;) I was wondering if you wanted to go for a coffee after last period ? I’m not working until tonight so i thought we could catch up, just the two of us_ ’

The sight of his old nickname makes him wince. Bev had came up with it years ago, one afternoon, while they were eating pancakes and listening to his dad talk about the upcoming meteor shower. They were laying down in his office, on that red and fluffy carpet that Eddie loved so much because it was warmed up by the rays of sunshine coming through the window. His eyes were glistening with admiration and dreams at the thought of seeing this « rain of stars ». Beverly would always tease him about his obsession with astronomy even though she would gladly listen to him talk about it for hours. She had claimed out of nowhere that the nickname _Astro Boy_ was perfectly fitting to the smaller boy. He’d immediatly protested but his dad had started laughing at the both of them and Eddie figured that if the mention of this silly name meant hearing him laugh like this everytime then he could handle it. 

He glances at the time, 30 minutes left until the end of his class. He quickly replies that he will wait for her at the parking lot and shoves his phone back into his pocket, trying to pay attention to whatever the teacher was talking about.

Bev is already waiting for him when he exits the building, a cigarette placed between her lips and red sunglasses covering her eyes, she waves at him and grins widlly when she spots him in the crowd of students. He thinks she looks like a movie star. She hugs him again, looking genuinely happy to spend time with him and tells him about this coffee shop that opened two years ago next to the theater. 

"Should we walk there or, do you have a car I can put my bike in ?", Eddie asks. He doesn’t want to leave his bike at the parking lot, it’s brand new and if anything happened to it his mom would be furious. Beverly shakes her head. 

"We’ll just walk there, I don’t have a car yet", he frowns and wonders if she walks to school everyday because he sees no bike anywhere near her. "Richie picks me up every morning, he has a truck", she adds, as if she can read the smaller boy’s thoughts. Here’s that idiot’s name again. He wants to ask her about him but forces himself to shut up, he doesn’t need Bev thinking he’s interested in him, because he’s not, he’s just curious. They trail casually through the streets, Eddie pushing his bike and Bev rambling about middle school stories that he might not have heard. He doesn’t mind that she’s talking a lot because he doesn’t wanna tell her about the last few years he spent outside of their hometown.

The coffee place is actually very nice and Eddie is surprised that someone would ever think of opening this kind of shop here, in Derry. They seat on some wooden stools that are facing the wide windows, resulting in them being bathed in the sun’s warmth, warming up the small boy’s cold hands. Bev feels like a breeze, she hasn’t changed a bit and Eddie can’t stop thinking about how much his dad would be proud of her and the woman she’s turning into. She explains to him that, after her dad’s accident, she was supposed to go live with her aunt in Portland but it wasn’t working for either of them. Bev missed Derry too much and her aunt’s boyfriend wasn’t too pleased about suddenly having to raise a teenager. They both stayed on good terms but Bev asked to get emancipated. She seems happy and excited when she tells him about her own place, saying that he’s welcome whenever. She doesn’t mention it but they both know that ‘whenever’ means whenever his mom is too overwhelming for him to handle. The conversation fades away and they’re left drinking their coffee in comfortable silence. 

"I was there you know", Bev’s voice is quieter than earlier and she speaks softly. "At his funeral, I showed up, I wanted to be there for you, no matter what your mom thinks of me. I loved him, and you", her voice quivers a bit now and Eddie hates it. He reaches for her hand and squeezes it gently. 

"I know, Bev, I know. Stan told me", he doesn’t want to talk about it but he knows he owes her at least some kind of explanation. But how do you explain to someone that you missed your own father’s funeral ? "The truth is, I couldn’t go. I just- I kept thinking about all those people that would be there, looking at me like a freak and the only person I wanted by my side while going through this was him", his voice comes out whiny and he hates that he sounds so weak, but then he looks up and it’s just Bev. She’s been through it just as much as him and that’s comforting. "I spent the day in his office that day, I just sat there, on the carpet. It felt nice, it felt like he was still here, with me, I don’t know, that’s stupid"

"It’s not stupid Eddie, I get it, I really do", her words are soft and soothing and she rubs small circles on his hand. "I just wanted you to know" In this moment he really is grateful for her and he hates himself even more thinking about what she went through, alone. They’re so similar and he let her down when she needed him the most. ‘ _I’m so fucking selfish_ ’.

"Bev I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when your dad- I should’ve been there for you but…", he needs to tell her, he wants her to know but she raises her hand and shakes her head. 

"Don’t. Don’t feel sorry for him. He got what he deserved, I’m not sorry, so don’t be", she’s talking faster now, words sharp like a knife. "I didn’t cry you know ? I didn’t feel anything, I was numb. I think- I think it was because I had already lost my father figure", her voice might be steady but her face is sad and Eddie can see that her eyes are shining, a warning of tears. He simply leans in and hugs her, just like he did years ago. It feels different this time. Maybe it’s because they’ve grown so much since then or maybe it’s because this time he promises himself that he won’t leave her again.

The waitress comes in to ask them if they need anything else, popping their little bubble and just like that, the moment is over. They drink another coffee, it’s kinda late and his mom would surely be against that much caffeine but he doesn’t find it in himself to care. He can’t let her dictate his life anymore. Even though he avoids talking about school, he tells Beverly about Long Island, and the cool places there are to visit. By 7pm they have to part ways because Bev is working the night shift and she has to stop by her place first, to change and eat. She tells him that they should totally eat lunch together the next day and he couldn’t be happier about it. 

After Beverly leaves, Eddie is contemplating going home right away, but the thought of homework and his mom waiting to hear all about his first school day isn’t very appealing. He knows he shouldn’t but he wants to go back to his old house, that’s where he truly feels at home. He takes his time, walking through the streets with his bike next to him and smiles softly as he walks by his old playground. He remembers himself, a few years younger, being pushed by his dad on the rusty swing. 

His mom had always tried to distance him from the danger that everything holds and taught him to be naturally careful. His dad on the other hand, had always thought he should try things before deciding it wasn’t safe. Sitting on a swing seemed unsafe. You could fall, you could catch all the other kid’s bacteries from touching the chains. Yet after his dad sat on them and exagerated how fun it was he finally had chosen to try it. And it was fun, it was freeing. He liked to close his eyes and feel his heartbeat fasten as the swing got higher. He felt safe because he knew his dad would be there to catch him if he fell. They went to the park every wednesday afternoon, just the two of them, Eddie’s mom never came and he liked it better that way. She probably would’ve been too busy worrying about germs and the park’s safety to see how happy her son actually was in those moments. 

Eddie sighs heavily as he walks down his former street. He thinks about how those moments were gone now, vanished, like they have been swallowed into a black hole. Sure, he had other happy memories but they weren’t as warm and bright as the moments he had shared with his dad. And he knew exactly why. It was because his dad was his person. Everyone has that one person who makes everything better no matter how shitty life gets. That one person who’s laugh is enough to make you smile and forget about what’s tormenting you. That one person that makes you feel so cared for and loved that your whole body warms up and makes your skin tingle. Eddie wonders a lot if he will ever find a new person, he doesn’t think so. Nobody has ever made him feel like this since his dad left him. His mom has never been any help, never tried being that person, she’s the opposite, she’s like the anti-person. 

Eddie approches the house while the sun is setting and the sky into perfect stains and pastel colors, from blue to pink with some green smears. It’s beautiful. Sunsets are his second favorite thing after the night sky and he wishes he was up there, on the roof, so he could feel closer to it. He drops his bike gently and sits on the pavement across the street. This time there are no lights on. Maybe the family is out for dinner. Maybe it’s movie night. 

"Are you stalking me or something?", someone snickers next to him and pulls him out of his daydream. When he looks up, he’s once again staring into those big hazel eyes. Richie is standing hands on his hips just like a parent stands when scolding a child. He’s wearing grey joggers and a large black t-shirt with a logo Eddie doesn’t recognize. "I mean, if you wanted to know where i live so bad you could’ve just asked", he gives him a wink, just as he did earlier at school and Eddie wants to roll his eyes but he realizes what Richie is saying.

"You live here ?" He asks, his eyes wide open. Richie simply nods and sits on the pavement next to him. ‘ _Shit_ ’. His fantasy about the happy family living in there suddenly has a face. He imagines Richie sitting at the kitchen table in the morning, eating cereals or drinking coffee, his hair even more messy than it already is, if that’s even possible. What do his parents look like ? Does he have any siblings ? He hears Richie clearing his throat. 

"So, are you ?", Eddie glances at the tall boy, confused and furrows his eyebrows. "Stalking me ?" Richie adds and the small boy can’t help but snort because the thought of it is so absurd. Why would he be stalking him ? It’s not like he likes him or anything, he doesn’t even know him. 

"Sorry to disappoint you, but no, I am not stalking you" He replies sarcastically. "I used to live here before I moved out. This i- was, my house." 

There is silence for a few minutes. And they just sit there. Eddie looking at the house and Richie looking at Eddie. But it’s not awkward, it’s a comfortable silence and he wonders why. What is it about the school trashmouth that makes him feel so at ease ? Silence and stares are the two things he hates almost as much as he hates his crazy mother, but not with Richie. He would never admit it because he’d probably be looked at like he was some kind of creep but he doesn’t mind feeling the other boy’s eyes on him, in fact he’s pretty sure he likes it.

"Why did you move ?" Richie breaks the silence, interrupting Eddie’s confusing thoughts. "Did your folks get tired of Derry or something ?" He finally dares to look away from the house and glances over at Richie, he looks genuinely interested. 

That’s when Richie’s words hit him. ‘ _Folks_ ’, as in parents, as in several. Of course. Richie doesn’t know him, doesn’t know his story and he is sure Bev hasn’t said anything about it either because she knows too well what it’s like to feel everyone’s pity when you lose someone, and how mad it makes you when everyone around you starts acting as if you’re gonna break at any moment. It’s wrong and foolish but Eddie sees a chance there. A chance to not be just the kid who lost his dad. So he takes it. He doesn’t want Richie’s pity. 

"Um yeah, they got job opportunities in Long Island" He shrugs his shoulders, trying to speak as calmly as he possibly can. His voice quivers a little and if Richie notices he doesn’t say anything. His mom did get a job opportunity there so it’s not entirely a lie. Right ?

"Long Island uh ? Is that why you’re all tan and cute looking ? Still got that "summer glow"", he laughs and Eddie thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. He forces himself to look away because his cheeks are heating up and there is no way he’s letting Richie see him blush. Except the tall boy hasn’t stopped looking at him since he sat down and laughs again, raising his hand to pinch Eddie’s cheek. "Aw Eds, am I making you blush ?" ‘ _Fuck, shit, fuck_ ’. He shoves Richie’s hand away and rolls his eyes.

"You wish !", he replies quickly, too quickly. "And don’t fucking call me Eds, that’s not my name !"

Richie just shrugs his shoulder and keeps laughing. "Cute, cute, cute !" He gets up and smirks at Eddie’s angered look. "Not that I don’t enjoy your company but I got things to do, you know, I’m a busy man !" Eddie gets up too, he completely lost track of time and he’s pretty sure his mom will be pissed. He’s not quite sure how to leave Richie, after all, he’s kind of a stranger.

"Well, um, I guess we’ll see each other at school then", he waves awkwardly, mentally slapping himself for being such a mess but Richie doesn’t seem to mind and looks at him, amused. 

"I guess we will", and just like that, he’s gone, walking back to his house. Eddie wishes he could go back to his house too, but it’s not his anymore, it’s Richie’s. 

Night is falling quickly on Derry and it’s already dark outside, he hops back on his bike and heads home. He feels better than this morning, that ball of anxiety seems to have been replaced by a warm and soothing feeling, and for the first time in days he actually believes himself when he repeats his secret mantra one last time. ‘ _It won’t be like last year_ ’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter is named after the song "This is the day" by The The - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhWVJnKjtsQ


	3. I need you to soothe my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya ! I'm back with another chapter,, college is officially over so i'm back to writing more regularly !
> 
> I'm not from an english speaking country so i wanna take time to thank one of my best friend, kams, for being my beta and putting up with me ! Thanks for making this fic have sense, ily ♥

A week passes by and Eddie slowly settles into his routine. He avoids his mother as much as he can. When he can’t escape her he just tries to shut her out of his mind, focusing on anything else but her words. Surprisingly, he likes going to highschool. He meets Stan and Bill every morning and doesn’t feel as anxious as he did on the first day. Most days, the three boys join Beverly at lunch. Eddie is relieved to see that she really wasn’t kidding about wanting to hang out more.

They usually sit at the same table. The one under that big leafy tree in the school yard, lunch soon becomes his favorite time of the day. The four teenagers make quite an interesting group that nobody could’ve predicted, yet it seems that they fit perfectly together, everything falls into place. Stan and Bev constantly tease each other, fooling around with the two other boys. Bill’s stutter seems to be less present, he even dares to joke around with Bev when a week ago he couldn’t get a word out in front of her. It was cute. Then there’s Richie, the tall idiot. He’s not always around but he joins them sometimes and he never fails to light up that spark of heat in Eddie’s stomach. 

He wonders where he goes, in those moments where he doesn’t show up to eat with them. Actually, Eddie wonders a lot about Richie, despite not wanting to. There’s just someting about him, it makes the smaller boy curious. Richie is the biggest trashmouth that Eddie has ever seen. By now, he definitly got the memo that the boy is incapable of ever shutting up, yet he never talks about himself. He always avoids any questions, his replies being a dumb comeback such as _‘Why don’t you ask your mom, I was with her last night’_. The others laugh and pretend to be annoyed but Eddie isn’t being fooled. He wants to know. What secrets are hidden in that portfolio he carries everywhere ? Does he sleeps in Eddie’s old bedroom ? Why does he act the way he does ? Such an idiot. Looking back on the past week, he doesn’t think he’s ever experienced Richie being serious about anything. Then again, he barely knows the guy. Maybe he’s less obnoxious when he’s alone with Bev.

Eddie spends quite some time with her too, and he couldn’t be happier about it. Although he’s been hiding it from his mother, she would probably try to separate them again. But Eddie needs Bev. It’s different whenever she’s involved than it is with Stan and Bill. They just get each other in a way nobody else does.

He had asked her if Richie was her boyfriend. He needed to know something about the guy, he was in the dark for so long and couldn’t stand it anymore. A little light was highly appreciated. She laughed for a good minute and shook her head, _‘Don’t get me wrong, he’s hot but Richie and I, never happening’_. Eddie didn’t try to dig deeper about what this meant, he left it at that. Surprisingly feeling relieved by the answer. He tries not to think about it too much, the relief. He knows too well why he feels this way. But he can’t confront it so he just pushes everything away, like he’s used to do by now. It seems like for the first time in years, his life is pretty much normal and stable. He has a group of friends he actually loves and trusts, school isn’t being too much of a problem so far. He doesn’t want to blow everything up because of something so stupid and hopeless.

  


⁂

  


It’s wednesday afternoon when Eddie, Stan and Bill’s PE class finally ends and brings them one step closer to the weekend. The weather still pretty warm, they made plans to go to the Quarry on saturday. Eddie will probably have to come up with a lie, say he’s gonna go study at the library. He doesn’t mind doing that though, as long as it’s for his friends. He promised himself he wouldn’t let his mother dictate his life any further and if that means lying over and over, so be it.

“Uh, Eddie, your tires are completely flat”, Stan states, pointing at the bike. And after glancing at them, the small boy can assess the damages by himself.

_‘Fuck’_. His mom is gonna be so pissed. He glances around, not really knowing what he’s looking for. He doesn’t feel like walking all the way home since his legs already hurt from the PE class. Riding the bike, even slowly, isn’t an option either. He catches sight of Richie’s figure on the parking lot. 

He stands next to his truck, flickering the ashes of his cigarette away while chatting casually with a brunette Eddie’s never seen around before. The girl laughs a bit too much, places her hand on Richie’s forearm and tucks her hair back behind her ears. Flirting. Eddie’s skin tingles and he feels a sting in his heart. Why ? Is he jealous ? No. That’s so dumb. He has absolutely no reason to be jealous. He shakes his head, chasing the thoughts away. He remembers how Beverly offered him a ride home earlier with her and Richie. He can’t find a reason not to choose this option, considering that the only other one is calling his mother which he isn’t very delighted by.

“You know what, just go ahead, guys. I’ll ask Richie for a ride, he’s probably waiting for Bev”, he says as he shrugs his shoulder and desperatly tries to ignore the now familiar warmth rising in his stomach.

Stan and Bill nod and wave him goodbye, leaving Eddie to wonder what his next move should be. He doesn’t want to be rude and interrupt their conversation. Although he really wants to because he, somehow, decided in the last five minutes that he hates the flirty dark haired girl who keeps caressing Richie’s arm. He grabs his bike and walks up to the truck. He stops a few feet away, close enough so that Richie notices him. His body shifts towards Eddie, causing the brunette’s hand to drop from his arm. She doesn’t try to hide her disappointment. Richie turns to her again, speaking quietly. She looks at Eddie with a frown and grabs her bag. Richie doesn’t really seem to care. He returns his attention to Eddie as soon as she starts walking away.

“Hey, um, are you waiting for Bev ? My tires are flat and she offered me a ride home with you guys the other day. I could really use one right now”, Eddie asks him while fiddling with the hem of his jacket.

“Actually, Bev left early, she had to cover this poor guy’s shift. Got food poisoning and started puking all over the floor, some Alien type shit”, Richie says and grins. Eddie wonders how anyone could seem so cheerful about something so disgusting. “Anyway, I’ll take you home, put your bike in the back”. 

The back of the truck is higher than Eddie expected but he still grabs his bike by its frame and lifts it up. Except the handlebars are heavy and spin dangerously to the left, making his fragile figure stumble backwards. 

“I got you”, Richie’s voice whispers reassuringly next to his ear. He feels his warm breath on his neck and a hand slips onto the small of his back to steady him. The touch of the other boy sends an electric wave through his whole body and makes him shiver, his breath hitches and he lets out a gasp, barely audible. He can feel the hair of his neck rise and prays that Richie doesn’t notice. He quickly escapes from his hold and blurts out a soft _‘thanks’_ as he watches Richie easily carrying his bike in the truck. 

Eddie hops into the front seat, silently cursing himself for how his body reacted. His cheeks still a light shade of pink, his freckles bold on his skin. The inside of the car smells of cigarettes and leather, tapes scattered all over the dashboard and at his feet. _‘He really is from another decade’_. Eddie thinks and lets his eyes wander a little while. Richie climbs in too and turns the radio on.

“Where to, my good sir ?”, he asks in that horrible british accent while going through the mess of tapes lying in front of him. Eddie proceeds to explain his location. Once Richie has finally settled on a tape, he inserts it into the car radio and exits from the school’s parking lot.

A song starts playing. It has drums, guitar and shortly after, a guy begins to sing. Richie smiles widely and turns the volume up, to a point where they would have to shout over each other to hear themselves over the music. Eddie’s mom never turns the radio on, she says it’s bad for his hearing. The waves of it can supposedly cause brain damage. But right now, in this moment, it feels fucking amazing. The music is blasting through the speakers and Richie is thumping his fingers hard against the gear, his head banging to the beats of the drums causing his dark curls to bounce in all directions. It’s like the music is flowing through him, he’s so carefree and full of joy. _‘Beautiful’_. Eddie can’t stop thinking about how beautiful Richie is. He’s been trying to ignore it. But the thoughts are so strong now that he wonders how he could possibly shut them down in that exact moment. The sun is bathing the whole car in it’s warm orange glow, the perfect setting. Richie is too busy singing and pretending to drum to notice Eddie’s eyes on him. He has cute little freckles all over his nose and cheeks, not very noticeable from far but the two boys are close enough now and Eddie is dazed enough to observe the constellations that decorate the boy’s pale cheeks. The sun making them look darker than they usually are. It looks adorable, _he_ looks adorable. He turns swiflty towards Eddie, shouting the lyrics and holding out his hand in front of the small boy’s mouth, as if holding a microphone. But Eddie doesn’t know the lyrics or the song so he just laughs and starts banging his head to the rythme too. Richie takes the microphone away and pokes Eddie’s cheek, quickly turning towards the road after doing so.

__

  
  
_Doctor Doctor, gimme the news_  
_I got a bad case of lovin’ you_  
_No pill’s gonna cure my ill_  
_I got a bad case of lovin’ you_  
  


Eddie isn’t the kind of person to just let go and enjoy the little things because he’s been raised into thinking everything is potential danger, everything can harm him. And right now Richie’s attention seems more directed at the song than at the road. He should be scared but he’s not, he can’t find it in himself to care. Actually, he hopes that they never arrive to his house. He wants this ride to last forever, he’s happy. He wants this, listening to loud music and looking at Richie while he passionately shouts lyrics in his raspy voice.  
  
But Derry is a small town and the ride to Eddie’s house takes less than 10 minutes. Once Richie is parked in front of the house he insists on getting the bike _‘we wouldn’t want you falling and hitting that pretty head of yours now am I right ?’_ , he says teasingly, resulting in Eddie just rolling his eyes in response. The mention of him being in any way pretty again makes his heartbeat fasten.

“Well, thanks for the ride home”, it’s the second time that the two boys are alone together. Eddie never quite knows how to leave him, especially now that he doesn’t want to. “See you tomorrow at lunch maybe ?”, he tries not to sound too eager and hopeful even though he truly wishes Richie will join them. The tall boy raises an eyebrow and smiles. The kind of mysterious and cryptic smile that Richie seems to master and pull off flawlessly.

“Yeah, maybe, see you later Eddie”. He gets back to his truck and starts the engine, leaving the small boy alone on the sidewalk.

After putting his bike in the garage, he hopes that his mother is asleep or too caught up in something to care about why her son is coming home 15 minutes late, but as soon as he steps into the house he hears her high-pitched voice.

“Eddiebear, come here”, she calls from the living room, he immediatly recognizes the familiar tone and knows she’s about to ruin his mood. “Who was that ?”, she says and gestures towards the window. Of course she was spying on him through it Eddie thinks, why wouldn’t she ? 

“Just a friend from school”, he answers patiently. He doesn’t want her to know about Richie, he wants to keep him for himself. Eddie is sure that Richie would get on his mom’s nerves like no one else could. He’s the type of person that is so full of life and energy, so alive, the type of person his mother despises. “My tires were flat, he gave me a lift home”, he steadies his voice as much as he can. He might not like his mom but they’ve been living together forever, enough time for her to know exactly when something’s off with her son. 

Thinking about Richie, the ride and letting the fresh memories pop into his mind once again makes something explode inside of him, that warm feeling that lingered there every time he was near the tall boy imploded, turned into something else. Butterflies. His whole stomach is fluttering and he’s aware that it’s written all over his face, making him feel like an open book, exposed. Sonia just shakes her head. 

“Oh, okay then”, her words stay in the air, leaving tension float around in big clouds above them. She’s obviously dying to say more. “I want you to fix those flat tires before tomorrow morning”, she adds and leaves it at that. Just like that she returns her whole attention to the TV, her vision fixating onto whatever dumb show she was watching before Eddie came back home. 

He’s surprised by how little she cares. He doesn’t wait for her to change her mind about it and heads to the kitchen to get a snack. As he grabs his backpack at the bottom of the stairs and starts making his way up his mom clears her throat loudly in the living room, he stops.

“Eddie”, she cooes, her voice is sharp. He knows that whatever she’s about to say next can’t be good. Maybe she changed her mind after all. “You know I don’t want you riding with strangers, in _that_ kind of car, and especially not with _that_ type of...person”, she snarls. She almost sounds disgusted as the words flow out of her mouth, like venom. Eddie’s throat is suddenly tight and he feels his skin warming up, tingling as he gets angrier by the second. She won’t take that away from him, he won’t let it happen. He climbs down and stands in the hallway, his fists closed, his knuckles white.

“You don’t even know him, how could you know what kind of person he is”, he blurts out, more aggressively than he intended it to be but he couldn’t care less. His mom’s glance is cold and surprised, she turns her head away from the screen to stare right into his eyes. She’s doing it on purpose, knowing perfectly Eddie cannot handle eye contact. But he’s so mad at her and her behaviour, so fed up with how she acts. He returns the stare, puts all his will into holding it. He refuses to let her win another fight, he promised himself he wouldn’t. 

“Oh honey, I don’t need to know him to know what kind of person he is”, she says lightly, mockingly. There it is again, that condescending tone he hates so much. She’s patronizing him like he’s some dumb, helpless kid who knows nothing about anything. “He’s trouble, that’s what he is”, she adds, looking satisfied. She returns her view to the TV quickly in a mocking way, accomplished, as if taking pleasure in making her son miserable.

“He’s not a stranger and he’s not trouble”, he snaps back. Eddie’s breath hitches as he desperatly tries to ease the anger that is rising inside of him. “He's my friend and I will ride with him if I want to”, he adds in a tone as mocking and impudent as his mother. He gives her no chance to reply and climbs up the stairs two steps at a time, slamming his door on the way in. 

He knows she won’t come after him right now. She hates direct confrontation and isn’t used to it, not with Eddie. She’s more sneaky and manipulative. She’s gonna be pissed, she’ll pretend she isn’t and make comments about every little thing he does wrong. She’s gonna enjoy driving him mad until he breaks and apologizes, like the good little boy she expects him to be. He usually regrets standing up to her, it’s easier to pretend he agrees with her. Except he’s been choosing the easy way for years now. He’s getting really tired of it. She already made up her mind about Richie anyway, like she did years before with Bev. Decided that he couldn’t see her anymore. But it can’t happen this time, Eddie can’t stay away from the other boy no matter how much he pretends he’d love to. He could never explain this to his mother. He doesn’t even understand what it means to himself but being with Richie, like they were earlier in the car, it made him feel something. He felt alive, more alive than he’s ever felt since his father’s death. He hates to admit why he feels this way, his thoughts have been at war for a week, debating on the issue. But Eddie can’t hide it anymore, he just can’t keep lying to himself. It’s exhausting enough lying to everyone else. He places his things down and takes a deep breath, collapses onto the bed, his face buried in his pillow.  
He likes boys, more specifically, one tall dork. He finally admits this as everything clicks in his head, his thoughts come to the real conclusion. The war in his head is finally over. Yes, Eddie Kaspbrak, has the biggest crush on Richie Tozier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tittle of the chapter is from the song Bad Case Of Loving You (Doctor Doctor) - Robert Palmer which is also the song Richie plays in the car with Eddie ! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlPHmYtqSdA]


End file.
